Monday, August 16, 2010

" I'm past anger and denial, and into cashmere! "

Roller coasters can be fun, when they're the rides at the fair. The adrenaline rush you feel going around high, sharp corners, the anticipation of a deep drop followed by a swift up lift. The wind blows through your hair and you have a brief experience of flying. But when it's the roller coaster of life, and you seem to frequently find your self on the one track that seems to fall forever, it makes me want my money back and complain to my park attendant.
Earlier this evening, I was very politely, sweetly rejected by a man I had found myself a little more than interested in. We had talked, had nice conversations, hung out twice, spoke briefly afterwards, and then today happened. All of this over the course of about a month. Now, although it only happened a few hours ago, I think I've bounced back fairly well. Perhaps it was the tactfulness, and thoughtfulness that went into the letter that softened the blow, or perhaps it's all these years that have made me just that resilient. "I'm past anger and denial and into cashmere." Replace the "cashmere" with four movie rentals and a sweet tooth from hell...
Taking the events of today into consideration along with the rest of life's current events, I have about 90% decided on something. My best friend, whom I was suppose to move in with, has found a place and is moving 50 + miles away sometime in September, I have no boyfriend, I hardly talk to one friend of mine, whom I would still love to hear from,(sent him a text on his birthday, and sent a card to his mom's house, but haven't heard anything) but I'm not nearly as attached to him as I previously felt, and I have a good chunk of money put away. Long story short (too late, I know): I have no big attachments. I'm a single, almost 25 year old, female, with a good amount of money and nothing really tying me to this town. My birthday will be at the end of this month, and that means I have five years left to complete The List. (see blog #2 for THE List)
For years, I have felt a pull to a one Salem, Massachusetts. I am an absolute freak for Halloween, and this is a big part of this pull, but there is something else. Something unexplainable that calls and says, "come home," despite the fact I have never been there. So I have made this decision: move to Salem, as I have wanted to for the past 3 + years. My plan: Save up all paychecks, spending no money until my birthday ( I have plans. lol), live in Salem from Halloween to Halloween, live in India for two months, come back for about three, go to Europe for one, back for two, then back here. It will be my own version of Eat, Pray, Love. (Except that I had this idea long before I had even heard of the book, which I still haven't read, but loved the movie.) It will be the begining of a big step off this hamster wheel.

"When you can't find the light
That guides you through a cloudy day
When the stars ain't shining bright
And it feels like you've lost your way
When those candle light of home
Burn so very far away
Well you got to let your soul shine
Just like my daddy used to say

He used to say the soulshine
It's better than sunshine
It's better than moonshine
Damn sure better than rain
Hey now people don't mind
We all get this way sometimes
Got to let your soul shine
Shine 'til the break of day"
-Soulshine, The Allman Brothers
Written by Warren Haynes

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